Both Mrs Abrahamson will offer you feedback on this.
Congratulations on producing a complete draft, many of the shots are framed beautifully and it resembles your animatic very closely.
Further to what I said today here are some tips and things I've noticed. Before reading remember I've not bothered to tell you how brilliantly you've worked and that currently I'd place the video in band 3 (if the singing was convincing then it'd be band 4).
Mr Smith's 22 pointers:
1. band must be playing from the start, move clip from 14 seconds to before video and insert new performance sequence.
2. Maintain beat match that you have from 0-8 seconds until lyrics begin at 19 seconds.
3. Singer needs to sing
4. footprints are brilliant
5. mark the floor so the band are always stood on the same spot for the montage between 37-40
6. Keep electric guitar (ditch acoustic) in caravan for shot at 40 and subsequent interiors
7. I know 48 is a filler but the guitarist is excellent, get him to do that once the singer sings in the re-shoot.
8. 51 too random, something needs to be there for pace but I'm not sure it is that shot
9. 53-58 see previous point re guitar and floor markings
10 59-106 too much hula (or rather something interesting needs to happen, maybe insert performance)
11. 111-113 see the monkees credits and them on the beach, try and emulate that as currently it is just one man running down a hill (http://youtu.be/w2hzusE4veM)
12. 125 cut back to vocalist then remember floor markings for montage.
13. 126 not sure party strobe scene is clear enough (could it begin with an extablishing shot of exterior showing the caravan in darkness really brightly light and ready for a party?)
14. Cycling great. Could he leave a trail of something like brightly coloured chalk? (this would be unbelievably time consuming though)
15 137 -152 is very good but possibly too long without at least a brief cutaway to singer
16. I can't really comment on the forest as it is a bit rough around the edges and features Jess trying and failing to look a boy. Maybe take Tibbles' generator to the woods and rig up some fairy lights
17. 202-3 the faked darkness doesn't work
18. When in the boat don't be tight, give them some cocoa or something
19. The tent sequence is a nice idea but not yet there. Was the idea that the band are inside whilst someone outside makes a silhouette of a wolf and the band evacuate the tent?
20. 225 up to 247 as stated previously use electric guitar, get the singer to sing, less hula.
21. The asleep in my car isn't right
22. Play right up to the end then wander off.
These are both the comments Mr Smith posted on our final draft music video post; we took this advice well for our re-filming process and have either accepted the comments or adjusted our draft video plan and made it fit into the timing. For example we have changed the start (referring to comment 1), as we have the band playing their instruments at the start whilst the lead singer is making his way to the performance location.
Personally I agree with the majority of these comments and think that the changes we are in the process of making are all the right ones in terms of our style of video.
Hi all,
Well done indeed. A video draft which demonstrates incredible planning, hard work, enthusiam and time-keeping.
Re the chalk idea that Mr Smith has suggested - you can get chidren's scooters which actually draw chalk as you scoot if you know anyone with one! ?
I can't top the 22 points but will reiterate the lead singer needing to open mouth wider! the bunk bed bit is a bit strange - avoid/change. Agree that music play unitl end, THEN walk off.
Keep up the hard work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
